


young gods

by vinegardoppio



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Incest, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, This is about Daves trauma it's not like fetishizing anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 16:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14336793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinegardoppio/pseuds/vinegardoppio
Summary: Dave thinks about Broand considers his mixed feelings about Dirk





	young gods

**D** ave gazed at his reflection in the mirror, illuminated with only the low light of the lamp.   
The boy was stripped down to his boxers, all his scars, old and new, on clear display.   
He ran his trembling fingers against the ones on his neck, his arms, his chest, his stomach.   
He recalled each and every one, every scar from battle pre and post medium.  
Scars from trying to get away from his brother on particularly rough nights, or from disobeying him other nights.   
He remembered their stories, their origins, their reasons.

Why did it have to be him? Would this have happened if he was stronger? If he could succeed as a hero?    
He wanted to be strong, now he can't even do his job as a knight. 

He recalled the nights he spent bent over for a camera. The days he went hungry, the feeling of always being watched and the deep rooted fear he felt everytime he left his room.   
He thought about home. His secret food stash, the sex toys thrown around the apartment, the cameras.    
Did ants get to his drawers? Were there even bugs in the medium? He was sure the smuppets were still there, maybe the underlings took a few but there was sure to be many still around. Did the cameras eventually run out of battery? Maybe Bro took them when he left to go wherever it is he went. 

Did Bro think of him when he was travelling the medium? He spent all these years thinking about Bro, but did he feel the same?   
It hurts to see Dirk. He doesn't want to admit it, because honestly he loves Dirk, and he'd love to have a strong friendship with Dirk. Someday. But right now it hurts. He knows they're not really the same, but it doesn't stop him feeling like he's seeing his brother, his hero, his forced lover, his rapist, right in front of him, happy and spending time with Daves friends. 

His eyes drifted away from his scars, and he made direct eye contact with himself.   
He hated his eyes, sometimes he thought he could like them, in another life.  
Karkat said they were beautiful, Rose admired them as similar to her own, and John would joke about their opposing blue-red themes. But Dave just sees the freak Bro always said he was.   
They weren't exactly like his brothers eyes, but they were similar. Red and orange were close enough in his mind. Bro hated his eyes, so he taught Dave to hate his too.

Dirk had orange eyes too. Dirk looked exactly like Bro. Which made sense, he was just Bro under different circumstances. _I wonder if I was any better to him than he was to me?_ Dave wondered, not entirely sure if he really wanted to know. He hopes he was better, at the same time he feels like Dirk- I mean, Bro deserved as worse as Dave got.

He moved away from the mirror once he started to cry, he didn't want to see himself cry. It was a sign of weakness, and Striders aren't weak. _Right, Bro?_  
He collapsed onto his bed, curling under the blankets he made to be a replica of his home back in Texas. On earth, normal earth.   
He was tired, he felt defeated and alone. He briefly considered textng Karkat to make plans, but he didn't want to risk seeing Dirk around town, Dirk was always around. So he stayed inside. 

He felt bad, feeling this way about Dirk, he knew that Dirk was a good person. But it was hard, he was still recovering. Maybe someday they can be friends, someday Dave can have a brother he deserves.  
But right now he's broken, busted like a **record** and he doesn't know how to fix it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Oof.


End file.
